the_journal_watercolor

The Journal

I wrote in my journal today. It was the first time in over a year since I had written anything. Coming out of depression is scary and amazing. Change is scary and amazing. Living is scary and amazing.

As I sat outside around the corner from my apartment writing outside the coffee shop,  the sun warmed my skin in the cool air. It has been so long a time since I last wrote. I had so much to put down.  Over 7 pages of the highs and lows of an entire year plus growing plans for this year flowed out. I doodle and write and ponder while listening to music as I write.  It is therapy. One thing I have learned in my life is that you cannot hold everything inside. It will eat you alive. I have so much to do in a short time. Keeping anxiety at bay is a challenge but I am managing. Moving is stressful enough. Not having a job or a place to live is like walking a fine like next to a minefield. But I am going to make it. I am a very determined woman. I can do anything and mostly in my life, I have. When I set my mind to something it get’s done.

Next for me is jumpstarting my new old career in the arts and music. I wrote in my journal.

“I started off my adult life as an artist. A true tortured soul of an artist. I gave it up for 20 years to do what?”

What?… to learn I should have never given it up to make a lot of money. In the end I did make a lot of money, but it is all gone and it did not make me happy in the long run. It is time to change that. It is time to live for me for a change. I am going to do the things that make me happy. For that provides riches far greater than money. Dreams do come true for me. I make them happen. Maybe not all of them but I don’t give up easy on anything.  Even my endless pursuit of living a good life,  self love and just being happy.  I will succeed. I always do.

Dragon Vase

Twin Dragon Vase

 

Dragon Vase Dragon Vase Dragon Vase Dragon Vase

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Twin Dragon Vase is the last large fine art ceramic piece I created before I graduated from art school at ECU. As described in earlier posts this cast iron like glaze is fired to cone 6 on a cone 10 white stoneware body.  Spraying the glaze took a little finesse to avoid getting too think on the dragon sculptures and their claw marks scaling the vase. Inspired by Greek and Roman pottery, the pot was thrown in two separate pieces. Each dragon was made off the pot and latter married to each other and the neck of the vase using a lot of slip and deep scratching. It took about 2 weeks to create and allow to dry properly.  I PRAYED this piece made it through all the firings in one piece.  I was really big into Japanese Art and Medieval literature at the time of it’s making.  So I guess this piece is an amalgamation of many thoughts and styles crashing in my head at once.  And yes I got an A in that class :-)