Keep Pushing

I think I am getting ready to become unhinged
Sour notes struck across ill-tuned strings
This wound stuck deep
Enough to fester
Not enough to kill
Slowly bleeding out caustic anxiety
No words for they sting caustic on my flesh
Touch me and launch a thousand evils out of hell
Condescending your lack of faith
Do you see my gaze
It burns your effigy
Do you feel my tongue
Striking out a cord of razor and barb
This corner you’ve backed me in to
This dark place of directions set in flight
Walls made to contain a raging furnace
A crumbling foundation set to topple
How much longer
How much further
Push me off this…

The Blade that Severs Hearts

I can never love you
Her words pierce my flesh
My heart is not yours to have
Nor the walls mine to scale
Love is not a word
It is not for us to speak
The time between is only vapor
Breathe out
And watch me fade in the corner of your eyes

I can never trust you
Her words rake the calm from my mind
Something lost
Never to be found
Something taken
Never to be returned
To build anything form nothing remains
Nothing

I feel everything
And it is pain
Love is pain
Laughter is pain
Remembering is pain
Life is pain
I am pain
Forget the pain
It is still pain
My emptiness is filled…

I live

My gaze falls warm summer rain upon a soft pillow moon
Stars glitter ancient code open clues above earthly mysteries
A song lifeless unsung breath of reassurance upon my ear
Winged ballerina dashing emerald wings sketch a portrait in my mind
Beneath my feet the shadow’s cousin darker memories fall
Clarity in broken clouds not blue but golden in my dreams
The first buds of spring pass blossoms of art on textured paper
Music vibrato, staccato, harmony of fingers skilled upon taught steel
Idea to be or not or just in the…

The First Step

To be..

A woman in the world without a past
Where childhood memories do not exist or last
Lifelong friendships have frozen in time
Lost to the moment she crossed the line
Her future fear uncertain but true
All in the name of living like you
To cry and scream and love so deep
Endless dreams aroused from sleep
Upon living this life to stay in stride
She longs to breath to stay alive

Focused in the task of passing through
… a world of stereotypes, fears and revolving doors

She steps outside the box
… and air fills her lungs

Hiding

I pulled the blanket over my eyes
Hoping you could not see me
Or maybe it was really so that I could not see you
My lump of unmoving flesh and bone still
So still as to not draw your attention
Or maybe it was so I could not feel

The perception of motion lost in shallow breaths
The layers of fabric shrouding my very thoughts
Though the corpse lay silent you knew I was there
Or is it that my memory is you trapped within my head

The opaque blackness in which I hide is home to me
Comfort in the darkness…

To Know Me

Do you know me
Can you claim to unfold my tattered edges
Bindings held together with stubborn lashings
Years upon years repaired
Reinforced
What stories faded in my pages
What comedy laughs in scattered chapters
What tragedy scores dog-eared corners
And then what too is unwritten
Between each line
Softly spoken tales of triumph
And Joy
Between each word
A cry for help
Tears
Between every letter
The essence of me
Human
Fallible
Prose
I know myself to be
A cautious description engraved over time
A daring thriller scribbled in haste
An autobiographical masterpiece of emotion
Art in so few words
To read me is to turn each page
Pealing back the good with the bad
Blowing away the…

The art of kindness

Look into smiling eyes
A passing stranger turns
Standing ovation from adoring fans
The fallen ballerina
Met with roses as she is carried off the floor
Things happen

Outstretched hands helping
Broken cane
Useless against the uneven ground
Titanium hips strain
Only nine
The elder stranger need not carry her bags alone

Chivalry not dead
She lays shaken on the path
His brother
His friend
A warm coat and strong arms
It’s only 5 miles to the next ranger station
The cellphone would have been easier

Wounded and scared
Lone soldier behind enemy lines
A family risks all
A young man goes home

English is not universal
Young tourists
Cold and lost
Gypsies score a banner day
An open…

The Encounter

The awkward moment when you realize
You have been staring at her across the bar for what seemed like hours
Her smile
They way she moves
Eyes glistening in little twilight sparkles
The faint lights meant to capture the bottles lined up along the wall
Falling into the corners of her smiling eyes
Moist lips hint at the cool libation as the glass pulls away
You notice her swirl the drink in her mouth
As she stirs the flavor across her tongue
Oh to be a Martini
That glass of Chardonnay
The subtle charcoaly undertones of good whiskey
A liquid kiss upon her perfect mouth
Her…

As She Sleeps

Blow out the candles
Dry your tears
Look up and hope there’s still one for you
Look up and hope she’ll think of you
There’s nothing you can say, nothing will do
She’ll never look your way, you’ll never see her smile
You have to lose it all, to gain everything now and then
Yet I wish I was alone than without you right this day
You’re slipping through my fingers as I look at you while you sleep
Wishing that moment would never end but all I can do is weep
Promises broken, why won’t you see my love as a…

The Ecstasy of Moments

That morning she came to me
Wings brilliant as the sun
Stained glass arms swimming on air
Delicate and fragile

Her touch gentle on my skin
Slowly, Gracefully she moves with my hand
Slow purposeful steady beats
Her delicate body on mine

So beautiful so warm
On the wind erratic and driven
In hand poised and inviting
Wings dancing as I breath

She flickers and turns
My thoughts focus in the moment
No sounds but mine
My pulse visible as I pause

Imagination aroused
Such small wonders tantalize
Goosebumps rise in a shiver
Her delicate presence tickling my skin

Seconds feel like minutes
As I focus on every vibration of her wings
The warmth…

RAWR!

Attainable
Untamable
Creative
Investigative
Explore my mind to find
The woman behind these eyes
Independent
Fierce and Strong
No cage will hold me long
Set out
Upon the world
Forging my path
Nec Sorte Nec Fato
I am not just a thing of beauty
I’m not just a girl
Brains
Feelings
Memories and more
Not just human
With love never poor
Raw
Funny and fabulous
I am not like the rest of us
Like you
Like me
Like Her
Like the artist canvas
High upon the easel
I am many things
I am many people
Lesbian
Lover
Loud
Proud and a mother
Stand behind me
Stand before me
Stand with me
And never against me
Or I will mow you down
I am woman
Hear me RAWR!

For a Moment

I thought I heard your name
Turning to look I saw the pipers race across the beach
Edge of the advancing surf
The choreographer in their daily ballet

Long sheets of liquid glass coat the shores
Revealing deep blue skies in the warming sands
A whole universe reflected at my feet
For moment I thought I saw you staring back at me

Morning walks on the beach
Are like the confessional of the senses
Long forgotten memories peak out cautiously
From their cool dark burrows in our minds

The odd wave crashes mightily near the shore
A vision of childhood awakens in the concision
The foamy…

The Emptiness is My Art

I struggle to make peace with you
Your bony withered hand
Clenched in a ball around my heart
Time drags on along quiet empty shores
Your faded dying skin
Wrapped like worn gauze around my bones
The warmth of feeling distant in my mind
Your wretched smile
Trapped in mirrors before me
My eyes blackened in the gray of living
Your stream of whispers
Silencing the music in my ears
Memories peeling off my papered walls
You tear my soul
Discarded shreds of life from colored pages
Beaten down a crawl at snails pace
You impeded my stride
Iron balls weighting mortal…

Where the Sunrise

Where there is courage to rise each day
The shadow of fear covers the path in darkness
Desire stands alone conscious in the obscure of night
Confidence the sacred jewel on a crown of hope

Where there is will

Where there is want of more each moment
The frozen grip of insecurity binds us in our place
Longing reins in the fears rooted in our minds
Strength the tireless companion standing at our side

Where there is courage

Where there is hunger for that outside our grasp
The walls of failure rise to obscure our way
Optimism casts its…

in the silence

a heart longing to beat
lungs searching for a breath of fresh air
arms acing to hold
a slow dance in a room with no music
dinner for one in a restaurant of many
wind blowing in hair unfelt.
the unopened box of chocolates on the counter
an empty glass of a pair
gray clouds in a clear blue sky
a single room apartment.
the lone chair in the window
remembering what is lost

a Whisper in the Silence.

Wreck of the s/v Evening Song

Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!
This is the sailing vessel Evening Song
Latitude 22°28’14.25″N
Longitude 154°51’9.77″W

Evening Song, Evening Song, Evening Song
This is the US Coast Guard
What is the nature of your distress?

Evening Song, Evening Song, Evening Song…

The harsh din of static fills the airwaves
Rush to service boats and helicopters launch
Always on standby
Always waiting
The job they love
The job they hate

A night rescue filled with peril
Neptune’s rage unleashed
An ocean of wind and blowing foam
Torn mountainous peaks of writhing waters
Black rain coating a blackened sky

6 souls
6 frineds
6 lovers
Alone in a torrent
Lost at sea

Spotlights strain to pierce the night
Nothing
Eyes struggle losing…

Marks of Pain

A stream of blood trickles down her face.
Unaware her bloodied finger smears the past across the keyboard
A Pause
A Flood of memories
Nervous habits hard to overcome
The long shadowy remnants of the past still digging new wounds
Maybe not consciously
But the fingers know
Unoccupied they dig and pull at the flesh
The bite of a thousand stings subtle scars on her flesh
Flesh abused by words and hate
Flesh tortured by her own hand
She curses the day she discovered pain on the outside masks pain on her inside

And still the blood stains
Marks of a new scar
Marks of an old wound

If only we could forget

Lover

Lover of life
Your story told in the lines of your face
The joy in your eyes

Lover of life
You see a world unknown to the caged
You run confident in to each day

Lover of life
The world around you vibrates with amazement
Everything old is still new

Lover of life
Friends agape in amazement every story told
Envy the silent companion in your shadow

Lover of life
Each sunrise the golden challis for your wine
Each sunset a joyous wake remembered

Lover of life
Infections warm and unhurried
Neither lead nor follow

Yours is a world of your own…

Love Is

The truth of love is
… a word unspoken
… a gentle caress of thoughts in a whisper
… seamless moments in a lifetime of passion
… tear filled eyes of joy and pain
… falling and flying day after day
… forgiving the broken glass underfoot
… tracing the lines of her with a brush of lips
… sweet nothings that are everything
… cold nights heated in her arms
… disagreeing, yet respecting what she believes
… understanding
… compassion
… making out in the open window
… girlish giggles as her hand slips under the table
… between the sheets
… on the floor
… in the ocean pulsing to each wave
……

It Is

It is…

The faintest whisper of your voice
The softest touch of your hand
The warmest glow of your spirit
The gentlest stroke of your tongue
The sweetest taste of your lips
The boldest action of your being
The smartest thought of your mind
The brightest moment of your life
The simplest parts of you

It is…

All of you that I love the most

Where Demons Dwell

Mountains rise in wakes of troubled thoughts
Mere ripples turned swells of rolling rage
Stirred torrents of doubt and question
Blanket waters once still with unstayed ferocity
Anger, fear, temptation and lust drown reason

As my mind wanders in places where demons dwell

Fair Winds

I cast my heart into the open
Carried on the waters of trust
Blown by the winds of your soul
A chance at something taken
The fear of being in the open and exposed overcome
Desire the star that guides me leads to you

That it does not matter swells and storms
Tides of thoughts are the gravity of you
Brightest star and heavenly body
Nothing of the past nor demons on the seas shall change my course
Adventures together shall I walk land again
True North my compass set for you

I set my mind sails…

Thoughts of a Dying Tree

I turned to see the tree fall in the forest. Crashing like a lake over the forest floor. The branches and leaves splashing over me.

They say the falling tree may never make a sound if no one is there to hear it. It sang to me a requiem of 500 years as it fell.

Forever

Forever holding a place of undashed hopes
tight and close to my heart

Forever seeking to fulfill the spark’s destiny
to burn even brighter

Forever dreaming of a passion so strong
the world around weeps in joy

Forever standing firm against the hate and indignity others cast indiscriminately
as they try rip away their own pain of not being

Forever placing on a pedestal
that which stands for love and acceptance

Forever being the person I have always been
deep within my soul

Forever loving life
as precious moments of gifted time

Forever shedding the past ills and demons
making way for all that is good and right…