Nobody There

Tears stream down an empty cheek
No hand to raise and wipe away the pain
The sounds of sadness fall upon no ear
Reassured embrace a distant memory
The still of the sheets cold and empty surround
Light casts dark shadows in the mid of day
A heart beats its solemn song
The lone soul wonders silent halls
Unlocked memories still remain
Rising to the surface a wound unseen
Friends reach out in distant refrain
Words of comfort only glimmers in the night
A turn in the mind
A respite faintly shared
A voice echos in the dark of closed eyes
Only to open to nobody there

Portrait of Robin – A Study in Faces

Portarit of Robin

Portrait of Robin. Pencil on paper. A very beautiful young woman I have had the pleasure to meet. The interesting thing about this pic aside from the subject is what happened when I went in to clean up the photograph made from my phone. Notice the subtle colors and texture of the paper. Serendipitous Photoshopage to be sure.

This is my third “serious” drawing in a month. I have always been drawn to faces. Woman’s faces to be honest. There was always a reason for that. I usually end up drawing women I find amazingly beautiful and of course girl crushes. The magical essence of a women has captivated me my entire life. SO I draw what I like and love.

What better form of self expression than to draw your dreams. In art school I took a couple years of figure drawing. The body is easy. Hands and feet are always hard to capture without mangling the perception. Faces are in fact the hardest thing to draw. And yes I am going to tell you why.

Our brains are essentially very powerful facial recognition systems. When it comes to subtle, yet significant details no computer can match what the human brain can see in the human face. Our face is the most significant part of our identity between Homo Sapiens. Expressions change in very subtle to very dramatic ways. My computer (brain) is tuned to picking out the softer curves and subtle beauty in women. To this day I am never fully satisfied with what I have drawn. I can immediately see the mistakes when the subject or a picture is available to do a comparison.

Eyes too high or too low in the skull. Lips to hard edged. Nose wrong shape. The list of FAIL goes on. But what is more important is that it is not necessarily the intent to make a perfect copy of the subject. So yes her eyes may be a 32nth of an inch to far apart. Our brains will see this almost immediately if we are familiar with the subject. The work of art is flawed in the very first stroke of the pencil.

Or is it?

As an artist my intent is to capture the beauty of the person or subject. While some artists pride themselves on their amazing technical ability to capture a near photographic duplication of their subject. Realists. I am more than happy to make subtle and often accidental changes. This is interpretation. Sometimes it pays to enhance a feature. I love the eyes so I always make them bigger than reality.

When I complete a drawing to my own satisfaction I have put to paper my own vision of the world passed through my eyes, post processed by my brain and executed by my own hands. Every point of interaction is a point of failure or a point of immeasurable success in creating a work of art that is uniquely mine and mine alone.

Instant Message

I am a grown woman and capable of enjoying many different things in life. I proudly admit to being a Platinum Card carrying lesbian (read: never been with a man, TMI I know). I am also also more than capable of flirting with just about anyone. I love to mess with men’s heads.  All my flirtees know I am not in to men. But flirting and talking serious shit is fun and healthy. Especially with certain people. I have this great guy friend, Art. We have known each other for a while now, though we have never met in person. Art makes me laugh and is really a sweet guy. But OMG can he lay it on. I know it is not what he wants to hear but he is like having a big brother in a way. We do flirt and talk smack and it is fun for both of us. I like Art. Every woman needs a friend like Art. Especially if you are Bi or Straight. But we won’t get into that. Let’s just say I know things. LOL

Anyway. I need to set the rest of this story up. I posted a status on one of my profiles that Art sees. I think it was something about starting my first book, having some ideas, but not sure where to start. Rarely will I share something like this. But I just had too. Now I know everyone is going to get that WTF? look in their eyes after reading it. Believe me I am not going straight and I am not slipping in to the bisexual slipstream either. So without further delay in its completely unedited format:

Instant Message… art signs on…

art: It was a dark and stormy night…..
Nikki Dreams: … and the two lovers curled by the stone hearth. distant lightning illuminating their eyes in the dark
art: she slid his hand onto her heaving breasts….. her breath quickened…..
Nikki Dreams: … he rose above her and held is body just above hers running is lips gently along her torso from her neck down towards her naval
art: using his tongue he flicked it in between gently kissing her naval  her hands pushing him further
Nikki Dreams: … her pelvis gently  rising to meet his anxious tongue. He pulls back momentarily. teasing her with the warmth of his breath
art: licking and sucking on her engorged clit he sucks it softly and then hard biting it ever so slightly ….. she lets out a moan!
Nikki Dreams: uuuuooooohhhhh…. her hand rise to her breasts. twisting and rubbing her nipples with each wave of pleasure
art: aggressively he plants in tonge inside her, she screams for god!
art: he works his tongue on her like a jack hammer….
Nikki Dreams: Her mind is lost in ecstasy. Her legs and arms trembling. She trows her head deep into the pillows on the floor…
art: While licking her even harder he feels her love juice begin to spill from her,  using a thick but manicured finger he pumps into her …… she begins to grind her hips …..
Nikki Dreams: beads of perspiration begin to pool in the curves of her neck and stomach. Her moans lost in the occasional thunder and pouring rain
art: he catches her image as the lightning illuminates the room….. her breasts so firm and ripe nipples stiff and aching to be attended too.  She too sees that he is very aroused!
Nikki Dreams: … And I am totally posting this on m blog today!!!
art: go for it sweetie….. let me know what your readers think
Nikki Dreams: It will be interesting!!

Song Bird

What far wind doth blow upon gentle cheek
Soft fingers caress rays of golden light
Amber tendrils silken morning dew
Mists rise sleepily over quiet restful fields
Nights brave travelers retire to your place
Peering tentative steps break cold shadows
High upon your nest breaks on rays of newborn sun
Turning fortunes daily gamble
Step to view a clearing in lost night
Breath stirring intention wakes in parting moments

Newborns eyes do shutter to slowly open anew
Mothers arms cradled tiny child
Words upon ear sounds quietly sung

Wake beautiful daughter
Wake and feel the day
I love you little one
My gift unto this world

…and everything is not as it seems

Prelude:
The lights seem to flicker in hazes of distant memory
A smile transfixed upon faces of the dying
Kind words breaking the shy silenced comfort

Run with me in these solum covered hills
Where grass grows unchallenged in the light
Rain calls to the moments of continued growth
Nature’s healing brush upon the scar of land
Fertile seeds carried upon silent whispers

Broken soil heavy burden new leaves emerge
Snows of fallen petals paint your scattered masterpiece
Renewed cycle follow timeless endings
Grow in life’s endless freedom
A place, a time, a moment relived

Telos:
The mound of broken soil fresh in tender green
Securely in the distance endings swallowed whole
This shallow grave a fortress of tragedy’s hidden terror

The Scent of a Woman

Her lips fall from her cheek. Her lips leave delicate caresses moving slowly along her lovers neck. A familiar scent tempts her senses. As her nose grazes the softest parts of her neck and fills with the warmth of her skin and the scent of a woman. She stops to inhale all she can absorb. Her lover deep within her arms. She rests her chin and cheeks withing the comforting cradle between her shoulder and neck.

Laying there almost motionless she waits. Breathing gently, delicately along the depth of her lover’s neck. Just below and slightly behind her ear. Her lover quivers at the soft brushes of warm breath. She takes in slow deep breaths from her lover’s body. The scent is intoxicating. Her eyes close as she takes in the sweet, warm fragrance. A rush flows over her body as she takes breath after breath of her lover.  Together they flow within each other only aware of the other. Safe in loving embrace.

Sorry guys this is not for you. I realize men do love women as women do men. And that is all very beautiful too. But there is no comparison for what a woman can share with another woman. Our sense of smell and touch, power of emotion and depth of passion. It is beyond magical.

I sensed this from a very early age. I have never been promiscuous or even that adventurous in reality. Maybe it was fear, maybe it was circumstance, But I always noticed. I always felt it. I remember my first girlfriend well. She would leave her scent on my cloths, the notes she left me and in my mind. I could remember every detail of her and later girlfriends by remembering that fragrance. The way a woman’s skin  smells. Fresh from the shower, after a light workout, while she is making love. It is so very intoxication.

No perfumes or man-made scents can compare. There are many wonderful perfumes that enhance a woman’s unique scent. But too much and the effect is lost. I love, Adore and Desire women. I always have. I know more than ever that will never change. I am proud to be an out open lesbian.  My life has been blessed by some amazing women as frineds and lovers. Even now I cannot help but study a beautiful woman as she walks by. Not out of lust but out of sheer artistic appreciation. The female form is the most amazing thing to behold. There is beauty in all women.

The way she walks. The way she smiles, laughs, loves and cries. The way she brushes the hair from her face on a windy day. The way she turns and smiles at a passing friend. The way she lights up a room. The way she holds her infant child as she breast feeds. I admit to being an admirer of the superficial. But I love what is inside just as deep. I cannot help what I like. What I adore. None of us can. It is the way we are born. I was born to love and cherish women. And I respectfully do so with great pleasure every day.

Every once in a while that amazing scent is lifted in to the air. When you realize it on the street, in a shop or anywhere…. OMG the memories and the warmth… the desire.

I know many women are horrified at the thought of another women finding her attractive. But you should not be. I do not want to be with every woman I see or meet. Not all women are attractive in that way to me. And so it is for anyone. But there is still this undeniable beauty non-the-less. More often than not I simply enjoy the gift of admiring her beauty. I notice women. I love fashion. I can watch other women for hours on end simply enjoying how each moves or the simple silhouette in the sunlight. I capture women in my mind for inspiration. I only hope I can express my fondness for women in a meaningful and beautiful way in my art and writing.

To all women – thank you for being you. You are beautiful.

Portrait of Kim

A Friend - K.T.

I started drawing again a couple weeks ago after about a 15 year hiatus from drawing. Yeah a few stupid sketches here and there but not really trying. I spent 7 years in Art School that my daddy paid for. Why 7 years? Well to be totally honest my daddy paid for me to get really high for about 4.5 of those years and I was in a 5 year design program. I switched majors to ceramics which I adore in the 5th year. I had had enough of my asshole design teachers. they did not like me and I did not like them either. One of them I did anyway.

So yes I have told dad I was a stoner. I am not proud of it. I don’t regret ever trying drugs. Everyone should get really stoned at least once in their life. I do regret how I wasted so much of my dads hard earned money on pot and an extra 2 years in school. And I do regret not sticking with my art for so long. I had been previously distracted by life’s little curve balls. Well a big one but we will leave it at that.

So back to my art. I was a graphic design and advertising geek. I think I have mentioned that before. I realized a couple years after graduating how much I hated advertising. I got out of are pretty much all together not long after that.

Now I find myself longing to re-ignite the fire that kept me going for so long. Art. I love drawing portraits. I am fascinated by faces. Especially women. I am never going to quit my art again. I love to draw, write and play my guitars. I just need to find a way to make a living at it.

In critique: This is not a stellar drawing. It’s practice. I draw my friends from pictures. The picture was at an angle to start with but still her nose is too long. Cheeks a little to big and her mouth is off. In reality Kim is a beautiful woman I adore. I have never actually met her in real life. I really hope I do some day. She has a heart of gold. I find her striking. Long shiny dark hair and beautiful eyes to match her positive attitude.

Kim if you ever read this I promise I will do better next time.