The Blade that Severs Hearts

I can never love you
Her words pierce my flesh
My heart is not yours to have
Nor the walls mine to scale
Love is not a word
It is not for us to speak
The time between is only vapor
Breathe out
And watch me fade in the corner of your eyes

I can never trust you
Her words rake the calm from my mind
Something lost
Never to be found
Something taken
Never to be returned
To build anything form nothing remains
Nothing

I feel everything
And it is pain
Love is pain
Laughter is pain
Remembering is pain
Life is pain
I am pain
Forget the pain
It is still pain
My emptiness is filled with her pain

I shall never hear you
Her words reflections of my own
If ever there were peace
It is the silence between us
Scant whispers upon the echoes of the deaf
Meaningless motions in the dark

I will never be happy
Her words pool in the sadness of my own tears
We cannot be happy
Together or apart
We will never be
We will always be
Seeds of hope on a waterless plane

I am broken
And you are dead
In this we find common ground
In this we have the words
Define me not
Our words not understood
Never spoken
Words never heard

I am alone
Everywhere but in my darkness
Her words are my own
It is there we meet
It is there we are safe
It is there we die
In death we find life

I am alive in your voice
Her words an endless note
Just one
A tone repeated
Endless in its healing
Tragic in it’s cage
Set free the note
Set free
Complete the song
Cut our binds and cut our bond

Set free
We are united and whole
By the blade that severs hearts

I live

My gaze falls warm summer rain upon a soft pillow moon
Stars glitter ancient code open clues above earthly mysteries
A song lifeless unsung breath of reassurance upon my ear
Winged ballerina dashing emerald wings sketch a portrait in my mind
Beneath my feet the shadow’s cousin darker memories fall
Clarity in broken clouds not blue but golden in my dreams
The first buds of spring pass blossoms of art on textured paper
Music vibrato, staccato, harmony of fingers skilled upon taught steel
Idea to be or not or just in the moment I awoke
The sun sets for no one
It just sets

Making way long across narrow tracks to no particular end
Grown and not children play in my mind a painted carousel
Restful slumbers scatter colored leaves fallen fertile touch
Blazing fire roars dissonant orange and red spark new stars in to black
That memory we seek lives among the ashes
Lucid in my hand set free in the warmth of yours
Gone for now and never lost
It just is

I live

The First Step

To be..

A woman in the world without a past
Where childhood memories do not exist or last
Lifelong friendships have frozen in time
Lost to the moment she crossed the line
Her future fear uncertain but true
All in the name of living like you
To cry and scream and love so deep
Endless dreams aroused from sleep
Upon living this life to stay in stride
She longs to breath to stay alive

 

Focused in the task of passing through
… a world of stereotypes, fears and revolving doors

She steps outside the box
… and air fills her lungs

 

Hiding

I pulled the blanket over my eyes
Hoping you could not see me
Or maybe it was really so that I could not see you
My lump of unmoving flesh and bone still
So still as to not draw your attention
Or maybe it was so I could not feel

The perception of motion lost in shallow breaths
The layers of fabric shrouding my very thoughts
Though the corpse lay silent you knew I was there
Or is it that my memory is you trapped within my head

The opaque blackness in which I hide is home to me
Comfort in the darkness of my constructed realm
Or is it the dark inside that cast this shadow of you
Imprisoned behind tightly closed eyelids

I cannot no more dive deep enough beneath the waves
Or run as fast as time gives chase to hide from you
To forget that you are there or ever were
Is to draw the curtains on my life

An escape unworthy of the existence we once share

To Know Me

Do you know me
Can you claim to unfold my tattered edges
Bindings held together with stubborn lashings
Years upon years repaired
Reinforced
What stories faded in my pages
What comedy laughs in scattered chapters
What tragedy scores dog-eared corners
And then what too is unwritten
Between each line
Softly spoken tales of triumph
And Joy
Between each word
A cry for help
Tears
Between every letter
The essence of me
Human
Fallible
Prose
I know myself to be
A cautious description engraved over time
A daring thriller scribbled in haste
An autobiographical masterpiece of emotion
Art in so few words
To read me is to turn each page
Pealing back the good with the bad
Blowing away the years of settled dust
Layers of sediment obscuring hidden verse
Long forgotten psalms
Better forgotten signs
Secrets
And again I ask
Do you know me
Has light dimmed so much I cannot be read
Has the writing on the wall distracted you
From what lies behind my ragged cover
Have the words seen edits
No one can decipher
Code
The challenge therefore is
To read the unwritten
To glean hope from the unknown
To consume every nuance
To simply
Live inside this shell
Keeper of my life
Lay me at your bedside to consume my every moment
Until the end
The very last word of the very last chapter
On the very last page
The story is my life
In a book with no end

The art of kindness

Look into smiling eyes
A passing stranger turns
Standing ovation from adoring fans
The fallen ballerina
Met with roses as she is carried off the floor
Things happen

Outstretched hands helping
Broken cane
Useless against the uneven ground
Titanium hips strain
Only nine
The elder stranger need not carry her bags alone

Chivalry not dead
She lays shaken on the path
His brother
His friend
A warm coat and strong arms
It’s only 5 miles to the next ranger station
The cellphone would have been easier

Wounded and scared
Lone soldier behind enemy lines
A family risks all
A young man goes home

English is not universal
Young tourists
Cold and lost
Gypsies score a banner day
An open home and open hearts
Warm meals
A shelter from the rain
Stories without words till morning
Hugs a universal gift of thanks

Being alone
Holidays are for the living
And the loved
A neighbors word calls out
Actions of the many benefit the one
She will not be alone this Christmas
As her soulmate watches from above

Et was just a movie
She was only from Ohio
15 year olds do crazy things
Hormones and boys drive us crazy you know
Dad yelled because she got a C
Mr. Rodriguez flew her home from Miami
He owned a dry cleaning store
Flying was his passion

Fire burns uncaring
Tired fighters of the blaze
Sleep no luxury
A warm meal makes its way to exhausted bodies
Night after night
Homes lost
Memories gone
But you saved our pets
You saved our lives
Life all life
So much more important than things

The Encounter

The awkward moment when you realize
You have been staring at her across the bar for what seemed like hours
Her smile
They way she moves
Eyes glistening in little twilight sparkles
The faint lights meant to capture the bottles lined up along the wall
Falling into the corners of her smiling eyes
Moist lips hint at the cool libation as the glass pulls away
You notice her swirl the drink in her mouth
As she stirs the flavor across her tongue
Oh to be a Martini
That glass of Chardonnay
The subtle charcoaly undertones of good whiskey
A liquid kiss upon her perfect mouth
Her head turns
You quickly look away
You don’t want her to notice you are looking
Not yet anyway
Talking to some guy her attentions refocus
Did she notice my eyes locked on hers
Who is she talking to
A friend
A lover
Worse
A husband
You scan her hands for clues
Those beautiful long thin fingers and black painted nails
Questions race through your mind
“I have to know”
That question sticks in your mind
Peanut butter thoughts not easily washed away
Your hands drawing the glass to your lips
Slowly
Very slowly
Like some cheesy scene from a movie
You peer out as you sip and look out over the glass
Pupils up in your eyebrows
Safely hidden behind your curtain of iced warmth
A sensual moment of fiction and reality
Lights warm along the shadows of her face
She has green eyes
You swirl the drink in your mouth like her
Slow moments of clarity taste like passion spreading on your tongue
She turns again
Eyes connect with questions
You do not turn
You do not flinch
The excitement of being caught fills you
A well of anxiousness or is that fear swells in your stomach
She leans in to her friend, lover, husband
Whispers in his ear strike daggers in your chest
They are together
But you cannot look away
Liquid courage or something else
You pause for a second
Tallying the evening’s drinks
Not drunk
Not blinded nor tainted
The captivation is all her
God!
If only she were gay
If only passing glances in a bar were not expected
If only her vision was as clear as yours
She draws back from her friend, lover, husband as he walks away
What did she say
Her left hand now slowly raising the glass to her lips
No ring
The silhouette of her hand vibrates against her black leather coat
Her eyes looking up across the room at you
Your butterflies take flight
Your eye reaching out to her returning gaze
She did notice
Her glass slowly lowers exposing soft moist lips
And a smile

As She Sleeps

Blow out the candles
Dry your tears
Look up and hope there’s still one for you
Look up and hope she’ll think of you
There’s nothing you can say, nothing will do
She’ll never look your way, you’ll never see her smile
You have to lose it all, to gain everything now and then
Yet I wish I was alone than without you right this day
You’re slipping through my fingers as I look at you while you sleep
Wishing that moment would never end but all I can do is weep
Promises broken, why won’t you see my love as a token, look at my wound that’s still open
It was over before it started but please don’t let me go right this moment
Think about what you’re doing leaving me in this cold bleeding nest
They can say all they please yet they’ll never know what hides behind these gates

-Anonymous

This is a beautiful poem written by a friend of mine. She is beautiful young woman, singer and songwriter, with so much passion and energy. I think she is much more talented than she believes herself to be. I am honored she agreed to let me post her poem. I hope too get her to write some more. To my friend. Thank you <3