Lost at Sea

Lost at SeaSomewhere between the yesterdays, todays and tomorrows I have become lost. It seems as though only yesterday everything was so beautiful and perfect. But again like the endless tides, I have lost my way as the waters withdraw. The search for self, confidence and wholeness washed away again. Stranded on a bar surrounded my a billion fluid paths. And then the tide rises again to find me standing out too far to swim home. There is no turning back. There is no desire to turn back. I do not have the strength or the will to swim so far against the tide.

So I let it wash me further and further. Each recession I find my feet tenuously planted in the now. My mind grasping on to hope. My eyes seeing out to the horizon. Standing so tall above the sea of change I can see a horizon. The distance eluding me, but still so far away. The tears come and the tide returns again. My head barely above the surface. Each breath is guarded and unsure. It may be a while before I can breathe again, when the waves come to swallow me and pull me further down this fluid path.

The waves come. They always do. My horizon lost to the towering menace that threatens to take away my lungs. I manage to keep some strength. Tired and beaten with every set. My only horizon is coming at me again and again. Faint glimpses in the distance as each wave crests. I feel my feet no longer touch the bottom. I am in deep water. I am in an element from which I was born, but cannot survive. Unless…

Unless I can keep swimming, treading water, occasionally sinking to the bottom to rest my weary arms, legs…soul. Hoping I never go so deep that my lungs will burst and the surface will never come. It is so dark near the bottom. It lonely and cold. And there is no one to save me if I falter.

Beacon of HopeFaint glimpses of light between the swells warm my resolve through the burning in my eyes. I do not want to fail. I want to keep swimming along this path and resting with each falling of the tide until I can go no more. It’s all I can do. It is surviving.

I am only surviving. I ask myself with the approach of each tide, how do I go on? Should I even try. So many others have made it across this vast ocean landing in the new world. Discovering life as they have never known before. I have no compass. I have lost all maps. I follow my star in hopes it will guide me to that new land. Hoping… that when I stop and sink below the cold darkness that I will return to the surface to find my star. Hoping it is the right star.

Fear sets in thoughts of the star only leading me further out to sea. I am so tired. I am becoming disoriented. My arms and legs are so tired. Like weights of unwanted emotion and despair they struggle to keep me afloat. I must not lose focus. I must continue to breath. The tide will leave me on a bar again soon. I have to keep that thought.

And there is always the hope, dim, so very dim at times through the fog day and night. The hope that my star will turn into a beacon on that distant shore I have traveled so long and so far to reach.

But now I am still Lost at Sea.

Time To Move On.

Past has come an gone.
Words are said.
Tears run from my eyes.
Life is set into motion.

Change occurs with and without me.
Senses heighten.
Friends come and go.
Life is set in motion.

Motion forward and back,
Moving through time.
Age and experience carve lines in my face.
Life is set in motion.

Thoughts transition bad to good.
Needs transition between wants and desires.
Changes physical mold by being.
Life is set in motion.

I grow.
I move.
I transit the spaces on these paths.
Life is set in motion.

The being within.
Now the person I see.
The woman I love.
Life is set in motion.

It is me.
I set this life in motion.

Shadows Fade

Shadows Fade
I look in the mirror.
Shadows fading in a new light.

I look in to my heart.
Warmth and compassion resonate in every beat.

I look in to my soul.
Life and fulfillment anchoring foundations.

I look at the world.
All is new and everything is possible.

I look at love.
Lost for a time, but waiting and strong.

I look through new eyes.
I see shadows fade with every new day.

When does life begin?

Flowers for the Dead. No funeral. No wake. No Memorial. Simply death of the living.

Flowers for the Dead. No funeral. No wake. No Memorial. Simply death of the living.

I died this year.
But I was never dead.
I passed into some strange history, old memories.
Yet I am still here.

My passing was sudden and unexpected.
But still, I am here this very moment, never having departed.
People have and are morning the loss of me.
I never left them all the time still standing before their eyes.

Yet I died this year.
Only months have passed.
I do not feel this loss of me.
I only feel the loss of others who let me go.

Now I am dead.
But my corpse does not decay.
Every moment breathing, heart beating, thoughts fleeting.
Is this what it is like to die?

I have watched them leave.
One by One.
I saw the signs of death.
Yet I could do nothing to stop it.

I am living with death each day.
I am invisible and forgotten.
But my eyes still see those who buried me.
My heart still feels the love I never gave up.

I died this year.
So when does life begin?

On the Eve of a New Life – the Poem.

I am here now she says.
My thoughts of life.
My dreams are living.
My world is lucid.

I am here now she cries.
My thoughts of the past.
My regrets soft and deep.
My pain stabbing my heart.

I am here now she laughs.
My life is beginning.
My soul is set free.
My love is waiting to fly.

I am here now she screams.
My world is my own.
My emotions so real.
My tears are like rain.

I am here now she whispers.
My gentle voice speaks.
My body softens and flows.
My wish is come true.

I am here she says.
And no one can ever take that away.

Flying High

by Nichole Shannon

Where a heart was once empty and torn,
an other fills the void and heals the wounds.

A newly reborn soul now filled by the warmth
flies free in the clouds.

No boundaries, no limits, no confines to contain it.
Its wings spread wide and catch the rising warmth.

The heart drifts upwards to the distant heavens.
Carrying the soul to meet its mate.

They meet in the heavens,
soaring above the world together at last.

Two hearts as one soaring towards infinity.
Two souls bound and flying free.

Nikki’s Dream

Please god let this be real… she whispers softly.

Her pillows piled high against her, she softly cuddles with them.

She could only think of her lover, imagining they were together.

Two lost souls reaching out to each other.

She embraces the pillows harder.

Her soft flesh pressing into the fabric.

Longing for warmth and a tender touch.

Longing for the heartbeat beating against her bosom.

Softly, silently she whispers her lover’s name.

Drawing from her dreams she gently fades into the night.

Embracing her lover a thousand miles away.

All the love and all the promises

Today my love you are taking away the memories.
Today my love you pack a life we made together.
All those dreams and hopes.
All the love and promises.

Today my love marks the end of a dream.
Today my love our parting tears into my flesh.
All the fun and all the good times.
All the love and all the promises.

Today my love we split our lives.
Today my love we go our separate ways.
All the romance and all the intimacy.
All the tears and all the warmth.

Two lives bound together now pulled apart.
Two pieces in the whole.
A union of hearts ours no more.
All the love and all the promises.

My lover is gone.
Never again will we hold one another.
Never again will these to halves be together.
All the love and all the promises.

These tears are for you.