Emptiness

Build my life upon these dreams
Comforts and cozies fill my thoughts
Returning to a place familiar and warm
Memories of achievement and joy
Love, yes love felt and expressed

The lie roles off my tongue like marbles on hill
Expressed yes, but not love
Comforts are facades hiding what lies behind
Dreams are more easily dashed than delivered
My achievement is this empty shell

Medicated my heart beats at a safer pace
Medicated the knife never draws blood
Medicated sleep without dreaming is peace
Medicated darkness is not so cold
Medicated is no life to be wished on anyone

Suicidal thoughts, Can anything be more frightening
How do you take a life without the mess
How do you take a life without hurting everyone you love
You cannot
I will not

Survival is a skill perfected by years of practice
Battles lost and won in my mind
The physical toll evidence in the lines on my face
The blanks stares, the tears and distant presence
The unseen damaged liver and once failed kidneys

Everything hurts some days, everything
The deepest pain is beyond human touch
Why do I keep fighting against this unwelcoming tied
I just do, a promise to myself and my loves
The hardest part of fighting the emptiness…

There is nothing there to take a swing at

The Blade that Severs Hearts

I can never love you
Her words pierce my flesh
My heart is not yours to have
Nor the walls mine to scale
Love is not a word
It is not for us to speak
The time between is only vapor
Breathe out
And watch me fade in the corner of your eyes

I can never trust you
Her words rake the calm from my mind
Something lost
Never to be found
Something taken
Never to be returned
To build anything form nothing remains
Nothing

I feel everything
And it is pain
Love is pain
Laughter is pain
Remembering is pain
Life is pain
I am pain
Forget the pain
It is still pain
My emptiness is filled with her pain

I shall never hear you
Her words reflections of my own
If ever there were peace
It is the silence between us
Scant whispers upon the echoes of the deaf
Meaningless motions in the dark

I will never be happy
Her words pool in the sadness of my own tears
We cannot be happy
Together or apart
We will never be
We will always be
Seeds of hope on a waterless plane

I am broken
And you are dead
In this we find common ground
In this we have the words
Define me not
Our words not understood
Never spoken
Words never heard

I am alone
Everywhere but in my darkness
Her words are my own
It is there we meet
It is there we are safe
It is there we die
In death we find life

I am alive in your voice
Her words an endless note
Just one
A tone repeated
Endless in its healing
Tragic in it’s cage
Set free the note
Set free
Complete the song
Cut our binds and cut our bond

Set free
We are united and whole
By the blade that severs hearts