The Blade that Severs Hearts

I can never love you
Her words pierce my flesh
My heart is not yours to have
Nor the walls mine to scale
Love is not a word
It is not for us to speak
The time between is only vapor
Breathe out
And watch me fade in the corner of your eyes

I can never trust you
Her words rake the calm from my mind
Something lost
Never to be found
Something taken
Never to be returned
To build anything form nothing remains
Nothing

I feel everything
And it is pain
Love is pain
Laughter is pain
Remembering is pain
Life is pain
I am pain
Forget the pain
It is still pain
My emptiness is filled with her pain

I shall never hear you
Her words reflections of my own
If ever there were peace
It is the silence between us
Scant whispers upon the echoes of the deaf
Meaningless motions in the dark

I will never be happy
Her words pool in the sadness of my own tears
We cannot be happy
Together or apart
We will never be
We will always be
Seeds of hope on a waterless plane

I am broken
And you are dead
In this we find common ground
In this we have the words
Define me not
Our words not understood
Never spoken
Words never heard

I am alone
Everywhere but in my darkness
Her words are my own
It is there we meet
It is there we are safe
It is there we die
In death we find life

I am alive in your voice
Her words an endless note
Just one
A tone repeated
Endless in its healing
Tragic in it’s cage
Set free the note
Set free
Complete the song
Cut our binds and cut our bond

Set free
We are united and whole
By the blade that severs hearts

Lost at Sea

Lost at SeaSomewhere between the yesterdays, todays and tomorrows I have become lost. It seems as though only yesterday everything was so beautiful and perfect. But again like the endless tides, I have lost my way as the waters withdraw. The search for self, confidence and wholeness washed away again. Stranded on a bar surrounded my a billion fluid paths. And then the tide rises again to find me standing out too far to swim home. There is no turning back. There is no desire to turn back. I do not have the strength or the will to swim so far against the tide.

So I let it wash me further and further. Each recession I find my feet tenuously planted in the now. My mind grasping on to hope. My eyes seeing out to the horizon. Standing so tall above the sea of change I can see a horizon. The distance eluding me, but still so far away. The tears come and the tide returns again. My head barely above the surface. Each breath is guarded and unsure. It may be a while before I can breathe again, when the waves come to swallow me and pull me further down this fluid path.

The waves come. They always do. My horizon lost to the towering menace that threatens to take away my lungs. I manage to keep some strength. Tired and beaten with every set. My only horizon is coming at me again and again. Faint glimpses in the distance as each wave crests. I feel my feet no longer touch the bottom. I am in deep water. I am in an element from which I was born, but cannot survive. Unless…

Unless I can keep swimming, treading water, occasionally sinking to the bottom to rest my weary arms, legs…soul. Hoping I never go so deep that my lungs will burst and the surface will never come. It is so dark near the bottom. It lonely and cold. And there is no one to save me if I falter.

Beacon of HopeFaint glimpses of light between the swells warm my resolve through the burning in my eyes. I do not want to fail. I want to keep swimming along this path and resting with each falling of the tide until I can go no more. It’s all I can do. It is surviving.

I am only surviving. I ask myself with the approach of each tide, how do I go on? Should I even try. So many others have made it across this vast ocean landing in the new world. Discovering life as they have never known before. I have no compass. I have lost all maps. I follow my star in hopes it will guide me to that new land. Hoping… that when I stop and sink below the cold darkness that I will return to the surface to find my star. Hoping it is the right star.

Fear sets in thoughts of the star only leading me further out to sea. I am so tired. I am becoming disoriented. My arms and legs are so tired. Like weights of unwanted emotion and despair they struggle to keep me afloat. I must not lose focus. I must continue to breath. The tide will leave me on a bar again soon. I have to keep that thought.

And there is always the hope, dim, so very dim at times through the fog day and night. The hope that my star will turn into a beacon on that distant shore I have traveled so long and so far to reach.

But now I am still Lost at Sea.

All the love and all the promises

Today my love you are taking away the memories.
Today my love you pack a life we made together.
All those dreams and hopes.
All the love and promises.

Today my love marks the end of a dream.
Today my love our parting tears into my flesh.
All the fun and all the good times.
All the love and all the promises.

Today my love we split our lives.
Today my love we go our separate ways.
All the romance and all the intimacy.
All the tears and all the warmth.

Two lives bound together now pulled apart.
Two pieces in the whole.
A union of hearts ours no more.
All the love and all the promises.

My lover is gone.
Never again will we hold one another.
Never again will these to halves be together.
All the love and all the promises.

These tears are for you.